Fail

Uhg I don’t even know where to begin. I made an epic fail today by missing my effing train AGAIN. I feel like shit. I let my family down… the second time in a week. And the dad told me the previous au pairs had missed 3 trains in 6 years, so I look really unreliable. I apologized so much and said I felt so bad when I got home, and I told the dad all that, and he was nice but said I should feel bad. Which made me feel even worse, and then he said I was going to feel the wrath of the mom when she got home. I was so nervous just waiting for her to come home. But that part wasn’t so bad. I sat at the dinner table for a few minutes letting her talk to the girl and eat dinner, and then said I wanted to talk to her about today and if she wanted to finish her meal, but we continued the convo right there.

I started crying a little bit (not for show—I knew this would happen) saying how I am a reliable person, but she has no reason to think so, and I was so bothered by this. And just how sorry I was, and I felt like I was letting the family down. She told me she understood, and we talked it all out. The agreement we came to is I need to take the earlier train, so in case I miss it, I can take the next one and be fine. But that means less time in Paris, which sucks balls majorly. But I gotta do it I guess. I hate these damn trains… leaving every hour or so. I wish I lived in the city. You can’t always have what you want.

Anyway rewind to zee weekend… my weekend was lovely for the most part. I got dropped off for my train and literally arrived 10 seconds before it came. If I had missed it, it would have majorly messed up my surprise for Jérôme’s bday, so I am glad that train worked out in my favor. And now I can finally reveal the surprise if any of you are curious… I bought football tickets for Friday night. Paris versus Toulouse.

The stadium was in a new part of the city for me, which was cool, but it took a while to get there, so we were late. After being lost quite a few times finding our seats, we eventually did, and we had good seats. There were lots of crazy fans on the end zones (similar to college fans at an average football game), but I thought they’d be crazier. The game went by pretty fast, and I enjoyed it. I wanted to go to at least one football game while I was here, and I will definitely go to another one if I can, but it is a little expensive.

After the game, we headed home and then went to McDonald’s (I hate admitting this. I eat there more than in America—only 2 times so far). And then we wanted to get a drink at a local bar nearby, but it was closed on a Friday night—whaaaa? That’s France for you… it doesn’t make economical sense sometimes. But that meant more sleep, so it is all good.

The next day, I met up with Paige in the morning, and we went to Promenade Plantée—an elevated garden pathway. Pretty cool! It was a garden walk, but you were above buildings, so there were good views. We then made our way over to the Nation metro area to meet up with Nico, who was showing us des Journées européennes du patrimoine, which was a nationwide cultural event where buildings and such are open to the public that aren’t otherwise. But first we checked out the techno parade. There were a bunch of party buses each with DJ’s and people dancing around them—cool atmosphere. We only stuck around like ten minutes because Nico wasn’t feeling it. It would have been a great place to go at night…kinda weird for the day.

We headed to the Free Mason’s headquarters and got a tour. The first half in English, then French, to which I kept falling asleep and Nico was nudging me and whispering translations. I don’t really get the Free Masons, but I think it is cool to say I went to their headquarters in Paris. They were very nice people.

We then headed to Jardin des Plantes with sandwiches and a bottle of wine and chatted/ate/drank a little bit until we went with Paige on part of her journey home. We said bye at Chatelet, and then me and Nico headed for a bar to get our drink on. Above ground, Chatelet is a great area (I absolutely hate it underground—it is like the biggest metro station and a pain to make transfers). Me and Nico were like we just want to get out! And wandered around and found the first exit possible. Anyway, outside was nice. A bit touristy, but nice—full of bars, restaurants, shopping, and Parisian charm/buildings.

So we got a few drinks. At one point I headed to the bathroom, and this guy started talking to me because the doors wouldn’t lock. I just said my usual I speak French a little bit, and he was like Oh are you America? Blah blah… apparently I am interesting. Anyway 2 of his friends came, and I was stuck talking to them for a bit with their interested questions. They were creepers, so I left asap.

Eventually me and Nico wandered around for food, and found, what I thought, was a decent restaurant and we had a good meal for a fair price (more wine as well). Deetz are a bit hazy, but anyway we then went back to Jérôme’s to start the night. We got there, and I was beginning to feel a bit tired, so I just sat on the couch not talking. We ended up not going out… some stuff happened, but all is good now.

The next morning, I slept in until noon, which I haven’t done in a long while, and just chilled with Jérôme and Vincent until Jérôme asked if I wanted to go to lunch, and I said yes of course.  We ended up going to a restaurant near Sacré Couer, which I have been wanting Jérôme to go to. The meal was good. I hate vegetables stuffed with meat and rice. We then went to Sacré Couer to enjoy the views and later on to Moulin Rouge. We were wiped out after and headed home. We then watched Act of Valor, which was just ok for me. I was falling asleep some parts, but it ended really sad.

Then the weekend was over, and I had to go home. Always somewhat sad, especially after this weekend. My issue of feeling isolated came up again and my frustration with French, and now after today’s train fiasco, I just feel bad. AND I have a damn cold. I am such a lucky person. Wait—I am though? I take this life for granted I know, but my life is hard. This whole transition phase will just not end. When I am feeling good BAM! Shit happens and I go backwards a bit, but I am slowly moving forwards.

 I just feel isolated with French and I am not meeting people really. There is nothing more to say. Speaking French would make my life easier, so I just need to be patient because it will come. I have been told I need to be more proactive, which I know is true, but easier said than done and I am pitying myself so much that I just don’t try. I know I sound like a lazy piece of crap, well I am ok with that.

But what people don’t know is, I make effort when I am by myself, and therefore must speak. Today I went to the train station to go to Paris and used a machine to buy another week for my Navigo. I thought I did it right, but when I scanned it, it wouldn’t work. So I explained as best I could what happened to a man, and he went outside and helped me with the entire transaction and it worked!

Then I was on a mission for an auxiliary cable for my ipod and car, so I went to Darty (like hhgregg), and told them I want to listen to my ipod on the car (didn’t know the word for cable, which coincidentally is the same word). A guy led me the way, but they didn’t have any unfortunately, but hey, they knew what I was talking about. But later on, I went to a cell phone shop to kill time for next train and said the same thing and bought one for 10 euros.

I also went to Centre Pompidou today with Paige, which has modern and contemporary art. I liked it! Need to go to bed, so sorry for no details. Also sorry for typos!