Ups and Downs

My roller coaster of emotions has risen at an all-time high then came crashing down upon my return to my village and now has leveled off at a somewhat decent/healthy level I think. I came and returned from Paris! The city of lights… the city I love and hate to leave! But… Friday is calling my name. I will be back. I really hope my au pair life doesn’t live for the weekends every week… what a sad existence. I don’t think it will, but it does now.

Life was so much more beautiful when I had Paris looming so close… now it seems far away. I am afraid to admit that I sound uber depressed right now. I am really not… maybe a little. But this is my adjustment phase, and I am going to feel sorry for myself for the time being. Like when I got back today (I asked when I should be back, and the dad said 6pm- before dinner and all), so I arrive at the train station and the dad picked me up, and when I got home I learned that the girl is gone through tomorrow night, the boy has a friend over, and the mom’s sister was over, so I basically holed myself in my room like the American mute I am.

I felt guilty and weird for doing so, but what else was I supposed to do? I have no use as an au pair right now. I am just a body living here that eats the family’s food and speaks extremely broken French. I just want to be busy and start doing my au pair job. I don’t like this in-between stage. I guess tomorrow I am starting? But not really. I think the dad will be here during the day, and the boy still will have his friend, so I have shit to do. I asked if I could go for a run tomorrow, and the mom said I could. I think I need a good run to detox myself of all these negative emotions and self-pity. Seriously I know I am being ridiculous. I am living in France. I am living the dream. Paris isn’t THAT far away. But whatever… I am slowly adjusting.

Anyway… yesterday was a good day. I went to a slightly bigger nearby town with the mom (I was sad I didn’t live there… it resembled a little town with numerous people and buildings and such), and I applied for a debit card. I am annoyed because in a week I will have to drive back there myself (no idea how- with the driving and directions), and then ask for my debit card. Well that’s going to be a heck of a day… driving and speaking French all by myself. Why can’t they mail the debit card like in America?

After that, I ate lunch and set off on a sight-seeing tour of the area combined with practice driving my car with the dad. He took me to some great places…beautiful castles!! It was all so rushed though sadly, but I definitely want to go back soon. Driving went fairly well…not completely comfortable, but I am decent enough. I am terrified of driving by myself and with the kids though… I don’t think I am ready.

French driving is WEIRD! Tiny, thin roads. You are supposed to drive in the middle of the road all the time unless someone else is coming. When you are on a normal, unmarked road, the speed limit is 90km/hr. Idk how fast that is in mph, but that’s somewhere near (well I looked it up, not too fast= 55mph), but still!! A lot of these roads, you should def not being going that fast. You shouldn’t even be allowed to let alone. 

THEN….for some reason you have to yield to people turning right onto the road, even if you are on a main road going fast. You have to yield to someone turning on the road? Why do they have the right of way? I am gonna get in a wreck… I know it.

After touring and driving, I headed to the train station for PARIS! I didn’t get my train pass, but the dad bought my tickets and gave me 20 euros (idk if I am supposed to pay him back actually). Oh yea I forgot to mention that I got to leave for Paris Saturday night. Très cool! Anyway… I was so excited during the train ride. Watching as the country-side transformed into the city. It took like 30 minutes, and before I knew it, I was taking the metro to Nico’s. I was so content to be in the city again taking the metro and walking on the old streets. I just love it there.

When I got to Nico’s we just hung out and caught up for a while. I was so nice to talk to a friend! I miss people my age… I go through withdrawals. Later on three other friends came over, two of them mutual, and one new girl, who was really nice (spoke English). We drank wine and started cooking food. I practiced French. Joyful times. And then Jerome came over after work eventually! It was nice to see him. We pre-gamed some more, and then took the metro to the Latin Quarter. We went to the same bar me and Nico went to during one of my first nights in Paris. I was at a good level that night, and I remember as we waited for a cab back home we were across La Seine from Notre Dame and I told myself how cool is it that I am here right now looking at the Notre Dame at 3am!

I woke up at an undecent early hour today for some reason, and it all hit me—I have to go back to my village at the end of the day. But I just cast it out of my mind as best I could. I didn’t do a lot today. Just lounged around all day watching French tv, The Notebook, and eating tortellini and then des crêpes Vincent made. Before I knew it, I had to leave Paris. I was pretty upset and wanted to cry.

I took the metro to a big train station, and I saw the Eiffel Tower in the distance. It was as if it was mocking me that I had to leave, but I will see the Eiffel Tower again soon enough. Then the train ride back to my village was uneventful. I didn’t really wanna watch the city slowly disappear, so I read a book. 30 minutes later I was greeting the dad who picked me up at the station. Then holed myself in my room except to eat a yummy meal. One thing: I eat like a queen here. I had sausage and lentils, then bread and cheese, and then a dark chocolate pudding.

THEN I GOT MY PHONE. It is a dinosaur, but it is great!! I will no longer be stranded and helpless to the world when I mess up and put myself in serious trouble. I have already put in all the numbers of people who could possibly help me the next time (we know there will be a next time) I put myself in a serious predicament, but now it won’t be so serious bc I will have a phone. Happy face!

Ok I have written a novel… maybe I will be in a happy mood next entry? Let’s hope!